I’m a leadership coach. I should know this off the top of my head. And still it is important for me to pause regularly to make sure I’m staying on track.
Because the truth is, active listening isn’t always easy! This is why:
- We get too focused on our reaction to what the other person is saying.
- We get too focused on what we want to say and the point we are trying to make.
- We are too distracted by what we need to do next and feel impatient.
- We are more interested in looking at our mobile device than looking at the person who is standing or sitting right in front of us…
And when we don’t take the time to actively listen this is what can happen:
- People don’t feel heard by us
- People don’t feel valued by us
- People don’t feel we care
- People feel hurt by our behavior
- People lose respect for us
- People shut down and begin to close us off
- People may not share critical information we need because they may feel they’re wasting their time
What can you add to this list?
Skilled active listening takes some work! And it’s worth it!
Knowing how to listen well can transform your success as a leader (and as a human, too!)
So, here’s a little review for today…
ACTIVE LISTENING MINI-LESSON
- First, pause, take a breath, and look at the person!
- If you don’t have the time to listen attentively right now, tell them and arrange another time to talk.
- If you do have the time, close your mouth, keep breathing, and put your agenda aside for a moment.
- Listen to what they are saying, not just the words, listen beyond the words. Listen to their energy. What emotion are they conveying? Listen to their body language.
- WAIT! Let them finish what they have to say. Don’t interject! Don’t interrupt!
- When they are done, tell them what you heard. Not what you think! What you HEARD.
- If there is emotion that needs to be acknowledged, say: ”It sounds like you are feeling XXXXX (fill in the blank with the emotion) right now.” Let them respond.
- If there was something that was not clear, ask clarifying questions to make sure you have really understood what they are trying to convey
- Summarize what you are hearing. Try to capture the essence, the core message. across.
- Ask: Am I getting it right? Ask: Is there anything else?
- Ask: What are your thoughts/feelings now? What do you think is your next best step?
Steps 1 – 11 are the “SECRET SAUCE” of ACTIVE LISTENING.
What do you think it is?
The SECRET SAUCE is STAYING FOCUSED ON THE PERSON, NOT THE CONTENT, AND–MOST OF ALL–NOT ON YOU!
Once you’ve done all this, you can ask to share an observation or suggestion you might have to offer. Just make sure you are SUGGESTING, not TELLING!
And make it safe for your person to accept, reject, or counter-propose.
Which of the points above do you find the most difficult?
Well, today is a GREAT day to practice! Let me know below how it goes!
And if you need or want more help in becoming a more effective active listener, DM the word “ACTIVE” to me and let’s work on it together.